


Aziraphale’s Invention: The Kakapo

by SnakesandTea, Yvesriba



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Invents A Bird, Aziraphale Is Trying (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Being an Angel (Good Omens), Birds, Cinnamon Roll Aziraphale (Good Omens), Cute, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Gabriel Being an Asshole (Good Omens), Gen, Gentle Aziraphale (Good Omens), Heaven, Heaven is Terrible (Good Omens), How Do I Tag, I Don't Know He Loves His Bird Okay, Kakapo, Light-Hearted, Mentioned Gabriel (Good Omens), Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Really it's Cinnamon Roll Aziraphale Trying His Best, Smart Aziraphale (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Tags Are Hard, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnakesandTea/pseuds/SnakesandTea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvesriba/pseuds/Yvesriba
Summary: Earth needs creatures and The Almighty has extended the honor of generating ideas to the angels. Aziraphale proposes (and defends) his plans for the Kakapo.Now with an illustration by Yvesriba! See the very bottom.
Comments: 33
Kudos: 59





	Aziraphale’s Invention: The Kakapo

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all the lovely dears of the Dioceses for the idea as well as the kick in the arse to get it done (erm, I mean, the encouragement)! <3

Aziraphale sat in his sterile cubicle at Head Office. Everything in Heaven was too white, too clean, too pristine. His gaze drifted to his sketch of Earth. According to Gabriel, the proportions were all wrong and the shading off. But Aziraphale liked it nonetheless. He’d even fished it out of the rubbish bin and stuck it to his wall. The principality studied the beautiful greens and blues as he anxiously awaited his assignment in The Garden of Eden.

He imagined new grass would be soft beneath one’s toes – perhaps akin to walking on a bed of feathers. As he understood it, Earth was to be mildly unpredictable. Messy, even! The thought brought him a great deal of comfort, as Aziraphale sometimes thought he, himself, may have been a mistake. His counterparts seemed to enjoy endless paperwork and tedious meetings. Meanwhile, he often found himself daydreaming about the Almighty’s promises of luscious trees and succulent vegetation.

He shook his head, turning his attention back to the blank parchment before him. Proposing new creatures was nearly as daunting as it was exciting. On one hand, Aziraphale considered it a great honor and privilege to invent a bird that The Almighty may bring to life! On the other, should he fail – Well, best not to think about that.

Some of the animals his peers had proposed sounded as though they’d been created by the Other Side. He shivered. Hell housed all sorts of horrifying things: from demons to hell-hounds, and any furious beast in-between. Of course, every creature big or small, had its purpose.

Aziraphale wanted to invent something just-this-side-of-comical, a being to amuse and delight the humans while simply going about its day-to-day life! Adam and Eve would need entertainment, wouldn’t they? Of course! There could never be too much joy!

He touched his feather to the parchment and attempted yet another drawing of the Kakapo. Aziraphale envisioned them to be rather plump. Not only would their girth allow them protection, but it also made them extraordinarily clumsy, and thus, great fun to watch run. He grinned as he outlined the bird’s muscular legs, imagining how the creature would hasten across the forest floor. However, the beautiful birds shouldn’t be confined to the ground. Oh, no, Kakapo would be excellent climbers to make up for the lack of flight! Their vestigial wings were absolutely essential for landing; they’d act as a parachute of sorts to slow the birds’ fall. His face lit up with a brilliant revelation: because the Kakapo were unable to fly, their feathers wouldn’t need to be rigid! Instead, the birds could have exceptionally soft, cozy feathers! Aziraphale’s shoulder wiggled as he penned ‘soft’ beside the detailed sketch. Oh! And curious! They would be inquisitive little things! He furiously scribbled notes around his Kakapo, occasionally pausing to simply smile at the roundish-bird. “Yes, you’ll be a rather dapper boy, won’t you?” Although angels were supposed to value all things equally, greens and yellows quickly became Aziraphale’s favorite colours as they reminded him of health and vitality! He thought it only appropriate, therefore, that the Kakapo be costumed in such a fashion.

Aziraphale agonized and theorized over his Kakapo until finally, he found himself in the Conference Room. Aziraphale took his place between Michael and Uriel. A few other angels trickled in as Gabriel began the meeting. He tried to listen intently as his peers rattled off their proposals, but nerves had his heart thumping in his ears. He nearly missed Gabriel calling his name.

The principality hastened to the podium and projected his rendering of a Kakapo on the screen. A few eyebrows raised, but most attendees simply regarded him with chilly indifference. He cleared his throat. “This, my esteemed colleagues, is the Kakapo. As you can see, here, he has bright green and yellow feathers. Perhaps, you’re thinking that such ostentatious colouring would render him quite prone to predator attacks! Rest assured, the greens and yellows will actually help him camouflage with vibrant underbrush in a place called, ‘New Zealand’!” He grinned, particularly proud of this next part, “Even better, Kakapo are nocturnal! Therefore, the darkness will help conceal these notoriously curious birds as they go about their day, erm, night!”

Gabriel interjected pointedly, “Yes, but what, EXACTLY does it DO, Aziraphale?”

“Well,” he fumbled, his carefully prepared speech crumbling as his mind reeled. Aziraphale should have planned for this; Gabriel hadn’t any blasted patience! “It, um, it looks rather fashionable – aside from eating. I mean, who does, really? Erm, but it doesn't fly, and it's a chubby dear with a real 'go-and-get-it' attitude!” Aziraphale nervously smiled. He thumbed through his thoughts, desperately attempting to find his footing.

“Hm. Do you think that’s something worth The Almighty’s time or energy?”

He waivered. “Right, um.” Admittedly, he felt a kinship with the Kakapo; and it seemed as though Gabriel was deliberately attacking him with his sharp queries. The archangel’s eyes bored into him, awaiting a response. Penguins! Yes, they were flightless and confined to specific areas! “Erm, what about Penguins? They are also unable to fly, snappy in appearance, and –”

“They are essential to their respective ecosystems. What does this,” he gestured vaguely, “Kaka-whatever, add?”

Aziraphale had pondered the usefulness of a flightless parrot for a great while. The archangel wouldn’t much care that the birds were cute and funny, nor that the little dears were designed to delight humans. “The Kakapo provide population control with respect to the previously approved Rimu tree which will grow on the islands. Additionally, by consuming said fruit, the birds will limit ground-contamination which could, in theory, completely dismantle the already rather fragile balance of the island.” He folded his hands in front of him and met Gabriel’s cool, disinterested stare.

The archangel sighed. “Very well, Aziraphale. Your submission has been accepted for evaluation.”

He smiled tightly. “Thank you.”

Once dismissed, Aziraphale retreated to his desk. He took a piece of parchment from his pocket, unfolded it lovingly, and smiled. “Now they discuss whether to present you to The Almighty as part of a ‘package deal’ or if you’d do best ‘standing on your own’.” He brushed a perfectly manicured finger along the inked feathers. “Don’t you fret! I believe your chances are rather high, as I have it on good word that The Almighty has a soft-spot for parrots.” Aziraphale grinned at his creation and whispered a soft prayer. The principality had every intention of meeting at least one Kakapo during his time on earth. In the meanwhile, he affixed the bird drawing beside that of the planet, and sat back to admire his art. Yes, Aziraphale nodded decisively, the Kakapo would be a perfect addition to the new world.


End file.
